my poor baby.

I had my first terrifying experience as a mother yesterday. I haven't called anybody and told them about it because I really just don't want to tell the story out loud.
MY POOR BABY! He was born with an undescended testicle. Not supposed to be a big deal at all. Supposed to descend on its own. But I had a feeling from the very start that this left nut of his was going to cause a couple of problems.
And it did.
Yesterday at around dinner time, Carter started screaming. Just screaming and screaming and nobody could figure it out. I tried Gripe water, infant mylicon, tylenol, anbesol, I tried feeding him, rocking him, walking him and driving him and he just screamed. It didn't take me long to decide that we were going to the emergency room. And you know how emergency rooms are. This was at around 6:30pm.
We see a doctor at around 8. He checked him over, asked questions like 'did you change his formula' and such. And he was about to send us home saying that Carter was fine. But I changed his diaper at the hospital. And his pubic area was just so swollen and red and it hurt him to touch it. So, basically, mommy saved the day. Fucking doctors.
It's a hernia! We're off to get xrays done. We are going to pump radiation into our screaming boy. After that the doctor gets on the phone with a surgeon from McMaster children's and guess what? Carter needs emergency surgery...
You, unless you have a child, can not imagine the horror of a baby that will not stop screaming in pain. And you cannot imagine how painful the thought of someone cutting into him is. I felt like dying. I felt like I couldn't be there for it because I'm not strong enough. But I can't leave my baby's side. How could I do that? So I stood by as they poked and prodded and stuck in IVs and whatever else and they wheeled him away from us and into surgery.

Today he's okay. He needs some tylenol every 4 or 5 hours to avoid discomfort and he can't have a bath for a few days... but he made it. Of course. It was a simple surgery. But there was nothing simple about it. My poor baby.

WOW! This thing's still here?

It's good to know that blogs don't just expire, wither and die. Wait, no, maybe they ought to.
Well at any rate, I plan to stick around for a while. I need some kind of outlet as I drown in motherhood. It is a wonderful experience but also incredibly exhausting and a little redundant.
But he is absolutely wonderful, you know.

I finally got a decent sleep last night. I went to bed at 9 and Mike took care of little Carter for me when he needed his middle of the night feedings. I woke up at 4am and made coffee. This is SO not who I used to be. It's great. I've really grown into my role and now that I am a little more comfortable with my responsibilities, I am returning to the blogosphere. I'm sure I've lost all of my readers by now, so we'll just have to build up again, that's all.

Good to be back.