I don't know how anyone manages to glow.

UGH.

Here are some of the not-so-glowing-and-beautiful-and-full-of-life realities of being pregnant.

- Last night I tried to hold in a fart (or toot) while watching Rambo 3 with Mike. I couldn't do it, but I was pretty sure I could let it out without any noise. Which I did. But it smelled really really bad and had to pick up the ferret really fast and blame it on him. Mike played along but we both know the truth.

- I refuse to wear anything without stretch. I never thought I'd see the day.

- I can eat an ENTIRE big bag of dill pickle chips without stopping to breathe.

- When I lift my shirt up and spread tummy butter all over my expanding gut, I look over at Mike and I can tell he's a little grossed out by the whole thing. The whole tummy butter thing.

- I can't poop.

- I counted the tiny pimples on my forehead today and the grand total was 21.

- Neck pimples.

- I got up to pee 7 times last night. New record.

- Mike watched Iron Man this morning and I lost my effing mind because it was too goddamn early for frigging IRON MAN! Now he's a little upset with me. Whatever. It is too early. The movie is garbage anyway,a nd he's seen it already. Translation: I am very irritable.