messed up

Well I don't know if it's normal or not, but I have been ridiculously sleepy for the last few days. I could easily sleep for like 2 days solid, I'm sure of it.
Is this another one of those "happens when you're pregnant" things? Am I sick? Did I develop some sort of syndrome? What the hell is going on?!
And while on the topic of sleep, I have been having the wackiest dreams.
The other night I was being held hostage on a shower by a guy who looked like Matthew Lillard. There were other guys and they had their own girls to hold hostage. I didn't recognize any of them. He was stabbing me and I was bleeding like crazy but I wasn't dying or anything. Then I took the knife and started stabbing myself. I said it was "because I'd rather do it to myself than have it done to me". And there were butterflies EVERYWHERE. And then we all played Balderdash. And I sort of fell in love with the Matthew Lillard guy. But eventually I did get out of the situation and ran back to my old apartment, which didn't look anything like it used to. It was dilapidated and there were cats and broken potted plants all over the place. My super and some black lady were yelling at me insanely. That's all I remember.
But yeah. That's a pretty messed up dream.
I could just curl up on the couch right now and sleep... who would it hurt? I don't have any reason to stay awake really. I mean, if I'm tired, why not just sleep? It could be so easy...

I need to paint Carter a picture... Carter is the baby, by the way. I don't like the name particularly but I gave Mike the power to name if we were having a boy. Because I was certain I was having a girl. Lesson learned.
Maybe I should stay awake and paint him something. Maybe I'll sleep. The choice is mine.

i didn't write this one because i thought anybody would be interested in it, i'll tell ya that much

I think if there is one big mistake, or colossal regret, that any woman can have (and is almost guarunteed to have if she's not too careful), it is that she will let opportunities pass her by, and become a mindless spectator in her own life, dying without ever having discovered who she really is meant to be.

Maybe that sounds like the opening lines of a Bette Midler film, but I don't give a shit; It's the truth!
We owe it to ourselves, and to our unborn children, to make the most of our lives. Mind you, I am typing this from my parents' house in my pajamas in the middle of the afternoon a couple of hours before I head off to a job that I can't stand, but every journey begins with a single step, no?
I feel like I would be failing my little embryo if I refuse take the reins before he or she arrives.

Thus, I will make small but meaningful changes in my life, working up bit by bit.

For starters, I think it's about time that I take a volunteer position. I have to think about what exactly I should devote my valuable time to (unpaid, no less). But surely there is something that sparks an interest in me. I will get back to you on that. Don't expect miracles, I'm talking a few hours a week, at best. Being charitable is not in my nature, but I want to set a good example for my baby while it grows inside me, so it doesn't grow up to become a shit.

Secondly, I am going to the art store and I am going to start painting again. I'm going to get this done this week. I have already picked up a giant canvas, I just need some paints now. Lots of paints.

I once knew a girl who stole a spoon from every restaurant she ate at, and wrote the name of the restaurant on the handle and saved them all in a big treasure chest. Dozens, if not hundreds, of teaspoons. That's a little weird, but it was her thing. It was part of who she was, and I thought it was charming. I think I need to tear a page out of Paige's book on that one.

Also, it couldn't hurt to get up a little earlier from now on, and have a shower before dinnertime. That's a tall order, but I need to try.

I'm going to choke down some wheatgrass and have a shower, and shave my legs because it's been a while and they're looking gross.