I guess I'm ready to write again..

Yesterday was an awful day. Probably the most awful day of my life.

Things haven't been going very well for me lately, emotionally. Whenever I went to work I had a hard time seeming happy. My boss was a complete jerk and a total idiot. I had a hard time smiling when he made me feel like a piece of shit. But this is just me, I mean, jobs and me... I can't hold down a job like a normal person. I get emotionally involved and fuck the whole thing up, every time, i never fails.

So yesterday I go into the office and I don't really want to get into too much detail BUT...
I got fired.
By the new guy. He's been there for 2 weeks and he isn't my boss. At all.
But he fired me.
And then I had to sit at my desk for half an hour crying while I waited for my mom to come and get me so I could get the fuck out of there, which I should've been able to do immediately.
After I left a friend of mine (whom I got an interview for a couple of weeks ago) texts me and tells me that my boss wants her to start immediately.

So I got fired. By the new guy. And then my friend got to take my job.

I know that may not seem like the worst thing that has ever happened, but this was the only decent job I've ever had. And just like that - gone. I wasn't worthy of it. I don't know what it was. I don't know why I got fired. But try to imagine being more emotional than you have ever been in your life (because you're pregnant) and then something like this happening to you. I felt so sorry for myself yesterday... I was behaving like someone had died. I bawled and bawled and lay in bed all day long, not eating, throwing up like crazy, my head was so sore...

I can't get back out there. I can't go try and get another job. I'm terrified. I'm so scared and miserable.. I do not want to be anywhere near any other human beings right now. I feel better just being on my own. This isn't about wallowing either, this is about being as calm as possible and providing the baby with a healthy environment to develop in...
I just need a break.
So hopefully I can get unemployment benefits. Because I have to. Because I can't go back to that right now.