you're stronger than you think

When I think about my life, the things that have happened and the things that haven't happened yet, I almost feel tired. Sometimes I wonder how I will keep up, and if everything is going to turn out alright in the end. I have no way of knowing. I also wonder how transparent I am, and what everybody else can see right through me. I have been a sad person, I've almost always been a sad person. And I don't know how I am ever going to get through that. Medication helped, but now that I'm pregnant I am a complete slave to my emotions. That's fine, it doesn't hurt me, but I worry about my future child. I don't want them to know that their mother is sad. How am I to make certain that that won't ever happen?

I went to the CNE this past weekend and there was a psychic. So I went to her for fun, and shelled out 45 bucks to hear what she had to say. She said the baby will be fine, and will be just like me, but she didn't want to talk about the baby. She wanted to talk about me.
She said that the amount of pain that I feel is enough to give a person a nervous breakdown. She said I've always felt trapped in darkness and she said she worried about how I would be after my pregnancy. she fears post-pardum depression, and she wondered how things got this way for me.

I wonder that all the time. And that is probably the major issue, right there. I am always wondering. I have always lived inside my head and I have always had a hard time making that place comfortable to be in.
I have to try, because I can't be the person that she worries about.