another post in which i complain about nothing and everything all at once.

So I am finally off my ass today.

I know. It's about time. And I woke up and I promised myself I would write a goddamned post that had some sort of worth. Lately I have been writing garbage. You don't have to lie to me and say otherwise, I know the truth. And my feelings aren't hurt.

Last night I went to the emergency room because for the last week or so I have had no energy whatsoever. My muscles burn as if they've been over-exerted, even when I am doing nothing at all. I have to catch my breath at the top of stairwells, I don't know how I am going to make it through a day at work. It's been a real pain in the ass. So I called the tele-health lady (I don't know if my American readers will know anything about that, maybe you do, who knows. Basically it's a phone line that you call to speak to a nurse who advises you on your health concerns) and she told me to go to the emergency room. So now I'm petrified because I'm pregnant and I really don't want anything bad to happen to the little cluster of cells in my uterus, regardless of how new or accidental that cluster may be. I'm attached to that cluster now, dammit!

Anyway, it was the first time I told a stranger I was pregnant (several strangers, actually). It sounded so weird coming out of my mouth. I felt like a fraud. I don't know why. I felt like I was making it up or something. (I'm not making it up).
So anyway I wait around for 2 hours to see a doctor who looks at me like I'm the fiftieth pregnant broad to waste his time that day with ridiculously meaningless concerns. I pretty much figured that was what would happen and I was glad for it, don't get me wrong... but I would have preferred if the guy did something to imrpove this fucked up muscle weakness thing. It's perfectly normal, says the doctor. Great. Fine. I'm only a few weeks into this shit and it is already sending me to the emergency room with perfectly normal symptoms that I have confused with a huge calamity. It just figures. All of the books and resources say that you will feel fatigued during your first trimester. FATIGUED?! I CAN'T WALK 5 FEET WITHOUT HAVING TO SIT DOWN!

Ugh. Anyway, today should be interesting. I am going back to the Molson Amphitheatre to bartend the Tool concert. I hate the band, but I love bartending the concerts. I would do it for free. It's just a fun bonus to make shitloads of cash for watching a concert and spending a day in the sunshine. I think it will make me feel better, since I have spent the last couple of days watching TV in a dark livingroom and avoiding society, like a fat, ugly basement troll. Suuuure, I have zero energy and my muscles ache like hell, and maybe I am making a huge mistake by going. I don't know. But fuck it. It's such a beautiful day and how many more concerts am I going to be able to go to after this? Don't answer that...