TMI Thursday: when you gotta go...

Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

Is it really Thursday already?
Well, hell. Why don't I tell a story about the magical experience that is pregnancy, and one of the beautiful moments that's taken place.

So I was at work one day last week (before I decided to never show up again) and I was just getting off. Now, because I'm peeing a lot more than I feel I should be, I went for a pee before heading home. Or, not home, but my parents' house. Nothing was coming. I got a couple of drips.
The trip home takes about an hour. There is no reason why I should have to go pee before I get home.
Oh, but that's exactly what happened.

Halfway home, I am overtaken by the need to urinate. I am shaking, I'm trying so hard not to pee myself. All I can think about is how much I have to pee. I have my legs crossed and I am sweating like a goddamn pig, it's really taking a lot of effort to not piss all over the bus. I even start humming to myself. I'm bouncing up and down like a 4-year old. I have to fucking PEE.
I start to worry about how hard it's going to be to even stand up, I have to go so badly.
Why was this even happening to me? I don't deserve this!

Finally, finally I get to my stop. I stand up nervously. So far so good. I have about a 2 minute walk ahead of me until I get to the house. Can't run. Have to tread kind of carefully. I'm doing it, it's happening, I'm actually going to make it. I'm going to make it! Hallelujah! I put my key in the door, and I'm in the house. EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY!
I get to the washroom, and I see the toilet, and while I am unbuttoning my pants I start to pee a little bit (I think it was the anticipation and the sight of the toilet) and I tried to squeeze it back in but I couldn't! I peed all over myself. I finally got my pants off about halfway through the stream but I couldn't stop. It was all over the floor. I got maybe a capful of pee in the toilet. The rest was everywhere but.

When I said pregnancy was magical, I meant it.