help....

I am having a really hard time fighting off this feeling.

I feel very negative and hopeless.  I have no money at all, I don't even earn remotely enough money.  I will not be going to burning man this year, no way in hell.  They are not making me bartender at work.  Probably ever.  I'm pretty bitter about this and this is only going to make going to work an absolutely dreadful experience for me.  But I have to go because I have to keep earning my minor ducats at my shitabulous fucking waitressing job.  Fuck my life.

I have my brand new macbook to pay for... I owe cogeco over 300 dollars (fucking scumbags..) and I somehow have to manage to eat and have a life amidst all of this as well.  Did I mention I probably only make 200 dollars a week?

It's not even as if I haven't been searching for a job.  Nobody could accuse me of being lazy on this front.  I have been very proactive about it, and up until this point, very optimistic.  But every bar in this disgusting city probably has 18 copies of my resume and they just don't call.  They just don't.  What can I do?  What more can I possibly do?

Keep going to this job that I can't stand.  Keep struggling.  This struggle has been going on for years.  YEARS.  Why can't I manage to find a way out of it?  Why?

Mike and I are moving to Burlington this summer.  I need to get out of this city.  I cannot wait to go, I really can't.  I don't know how I'm going to survive until then.  I don't know how I'm even going to save any money for it.  I have no money to save.  Absolutely no money to save.  I don't know if I have ever been so raging mad, or stressed out.  I'm just really having a difficult time being optimistic and keeping my head up.  I can't keep getting kicked when I'm down.  I need to fix this and I have no idea how to.