greener pastures.

Does anyone ever really know another person?
I honestly doubt it. All my life I have really tried to be a good person, and for the most part I do alright, but it's always the people I love the most that I tread all over and take advantage of. Maybe that's how everybody operates, and perhaps I'm not alone there. But why would I ever be that way?
Turning over a new leaf is refreshing and I am happy to be in the position I am in these days. Before I got pregnant I was still a fuck up. I drank all the time and did stupid shit and went to parties with a bunch of idiots and made Mike mad at me all the time, poor guy.. And now everything is really, really, really boring. But it is healthy and with a cleaner mind and body I can look around at everyone else and feel relief at the fact that I don't have to be anyone I used to be. I can be somebody new. I don't have to fuck up anymore. I don't have to fall down drunk in a bar and lose my cell phone and forget what happened the next day.
So a friend of mine went to a party the other night and made some pretty rotten choices. One of them was to have sex with a guy I used to know. This guy used to be completely in love with me. And as far as I knew he still was, I ran into him a few times. Okay, so the friend is Fran. I don't even feel like beating around the bush. I know I have no right to be upset by the fact that this transpired at all, but I have to wonder if that would have ever happened had I not been pregnant, and were at the same party. I know it wouldn't have.
Do you ever really know anybody?
I thought I knew Joel and he turned out to be somebody so completely different than I had thought he was for the 2 years I spent with him. Now I am facebook friends with him and I see him falling compleeeeetely in love with girl after girl after girl, and now I can see clearly that he was never in love with me, and he is not in love with any of these girls, either.
Human beings just have a way of making you feel like a complete retard, don't they?
Adam. Adam was a total piece of shit. I hate even thinking about him, he makes me skin crawl and the thought of him brings up so much anger inside me that I could still stab him in the throat if he were standing right in front of me and feel no way about it. Pond scum.
And of course there have been plenty of people who have thought that they could trust me and they were wrong. I have betrayed people for my own personal benefit time after time and sometimes, miraculously, I am forgiven. I do not ever want to hurt Mike the way I have hurt other people. Mike is the most pure of heart person I have ever met. Or is he? Do you ever really know a person?
What is the right thing to do? Do you fess up and admit to everything you have ever done that was dishonest or selfish? Or do you keep all that shit inside you so that you don't hurt anybody else? And what about the people that hurt you? Do you forgive and forget or do you forgive but never forget? Do you stay close because you are afraid of who you are without that person's friendship or do you move on because you've never done anything to hurt another person and you've never needed anyone's forgiveness before?
Let he who is without sin, I guess...