goodbye

It's hard to say goodbye to a person who once meant so much to you.
But sometimes it has to be done because sometimes... some people just deplete our emotional reserves and we have no choice but to cut 'em loose.
This has been happening a lot to me lately.

Fran was supposed to help me pack last weekend. On Saturday she said she had cramps and just didn't feel up to it. I was okay with that. She said she would come the next day - Sunday. We made plans to have swiss chalet and go see the new Twilight movie. It was going to be my treat in thanks for her help. Packing is really difficult when you're almost 6 months pregnant! Much more difficult than I would have imagined. I really needed help and if I knew she was going to fall down on me all weekend I would have accepted one of the many other offers for help that I recieved. But I'm not very smart, and I do not learn from my mistakes.
Saturday night she went to a party (she lied to me), and she was up until 8 am and when she finally got up on Sunday I was pretty much done packing. I wasn't so much mad as I was just really saddened by the fact that I officially had no friend around that I could actually depend on. I felt really stupid for even believing I could trust her to do as she said. I was blown off all weekend and she wasn't even apologizing.
So I told her I was done, I didn't need to be a burden in someone's life and I didn't need another fair weather friend. Of course, I am so sensitive and emotional, I was really upset and it wasn't easy for me to do this. But I did. And then she just got really mean. Told me to fuck off and called me crazy and even trashed me on facebook.
I don't give a shit about losing a friend who wasn't much of a friend to begin with. What saddens me is that I was so naive that I stayed in this empty friendship for so long because of loneliness. We weren't friends because she did anything for me. I tried really hard and she just fucked me around time and again and I stuck around out of loneliness.
So. Lesson learned.

It's not easy maintaining relationships with people. People hurt. Being close to anyone is hurtful but in the end, we have to cherish memories of good times we've had and try not to hold on to something just because we're afraid of who we will be without it. The most important relationship we have is with ourselves, after all. So we have to be respectful of it.