elementary philosophy

I was probably about 7 or 8 years old and I was going to a Catholic school and just beginning to understand that I exist, and will continue to exist, until I no longer existed. And in school they taught us that we would go to either heaven or hell at that point, and once we were there we would stay forever and ever and ever and ever. Now at this age I was also thinking a lot about sex, and what sinning was, and who sinners were, and who could get away with what, and why. So I knew that people liked to have sex, and I figured they probably wouldn't be doing that in heaven because Catholics don't think it's okay to have sex for any reason other than to make babies. And people who didn't know any better - like the mentally handicapped and stuff - what happens to them? Do they go to hell when they do things that they can't help? Because they can't understand what these people are always going on about? Revelations and whatnot? And once you got to heaven what age would you be? Like do you get to pick? Does God pick for you? Does he make you unrecognizable and if he does, how will your family and friends meet up with you there? I asked my teacher that question and she said we just don't know, all we know is that God will make sure we get to our loved ones in heaven and that wasn't really much of an answer at all, now was it? Especially when they claimed to know so much about so many things concerning what was right or wrong. And they always said things like It is not for us to judge but that's really all they ever did, all the time, wasn't it?
I was in a great mood one day and I came to school and we were in gym class and we were doing jumping jacks while "I Saw The Sign" was blaring from a little ghetto blaster in the corner of the gym, and I thought it would be a great idea to dance instead of doing jumping jacks but my gym teacher didn't think that was a good idea and said disobeying your teachers is a sin, and dancing is a sin, now do your jumping jacks and I thought okay, so moving parts of your body in time to music is a sin but threatening small children with eternal damnation was a-okay.
I was laying on my bed staring at the ceiling and my mom was singing "Constant Craving" by KD Lang and I was thinking about death, and life. Right now I am alive. And when I die I am really dead. There is no eternal anything in any place, just curtain closes and darkness and that's okay, i thought. This was to be the premise of my new religion, and that's what makes life so fucking great. It's all you have.
I want that feeling back again. I want to remember the exact feeling i felt first time I realized that one day I would be dust, and then less than dust, and then nothing. There is no place to be except for here. This life is good enough because it has to be. (jesus was wrong)