insomniac

I am dead tired.

You know what I can't friggin stand? I hate not being able to sleep. I was so tired after work last night, I thought it would be so easy... I went to bed at 1130 and set my alarm for 930. I lay there. For so long. Nothing's happening. I feel like I'm getting close and then I twitch, I'm wide awake again. I have a stupid fucking song stuck in my head and it's just going over the same lines over and over and over.. "I want to love you, pretty young thing..." over and over and over. I have to get to sleep, I have to get up and go to work. Why can't I fall asleep? And then I start to panic.
Okay, just focus on a white wall. Nothing else. Picture a white wall.
But that fucking song is stuck in my head and why can't I fall asleep? Oh God please let me fall asleep I'm so goddamn tired... WHY CAN'T I FALL ASLEEP? I want to love you, pretty young thing...
So I get up and read 100 pages of The Grapes of Wrath. Try again. It's after 2 in the morning now.
Nothing happens.
It's 330 in the morning. I get up and let Breakfast out to run around and I listen to music. Sometimes that helps. Not this time. I lay down again around 5 and try to sleep. Nothing. So at 630 I say fuck it and have a shower. The birds have started chirp chirp chirping away and I basically want to jump off a cliff. After my shower I continue to lay in bed and hate my life. Until 10am when I just get up and get ready for work. Tired as fuck.
So I look like hell right off the bat, because I haven't slept a wink. I feel like Christian Bale in The Machinest.



Work was awful. I kept thinking people were talking to me when they weren't. I kept fucking up orders. I kept acting weird, bumping into people and things. Everyone could tell. I looked like shit and I hadn't slept. And of course the restaurant just had to get sa-lammed. I was running around like an idiot and I could hardly distinguish up from down I'm so fucking exhausted...
Nothing is worse than insomnia. Nothing. I'd rather have pneumonia any day of the week. I'd rather give birth. I'd rather eat something gross like on those game shows where people eat gross shit for money, only I'd do it for free if it meant I could sleep.
I'm going to pick up some sleeping pills now.
Bartending the Def Lepard concert tomorrow. I kind of have to be alert for that one. I'm not looking forward to it like I was yesterday...
I just want to go to sleep.