kaput.

I got an e-mail from an ex the other day.
The ex that I said deserved to be fucked in the ass by a toaster. Yeah, that one.
Nice enough e-mail, you know, wanted to check up on me and stuff. All nice things. It sounds as if everything is just peachy for him, which is nice. I'm not sure though.
He suggested that we get together to make peace. Get together for coffee sometime.
I've done this before, with almost every ex I've ever had. And it's always an awful experience. So I don't like to do it. I'm the type of girl that would rather forget you ever existed than to stroll down memory lane with you. If we broke up, chances are most of those memories aren't very good anyway.
Take Joel, for instance. He broke up with me via letter left on our kitchen counter while I was at work. Didn't see him again for, like, 2 months, at which point it was suggested that we get together for coffee! It would've been fine, I'm sure, had I not found out at that point that he broke up with me to be with this girl that I knew deep down he would eventually break up with me for.
Needless to say, I could've done without news like that.

Which brings me to my point:
My relationship with "toaster ex" was toxic. It was so unstable. Sometimes I wonder if we ever even liked each other. We had some pretty intense fights. We have kicked holes in doors, thrown shit at each other, shoved each other, called the cops on each other, he trashed my place, I stole some of his computer stuff, he stole my phone, he packed his shit and left on like 4 different occasions, the list goes on. And the cherry on top of this relationship, the grand exit of it all, was a very uncomfortable visit to a clinic of sorts for me, and he calling my parents and telling them all kinds of things they didn't need to know. I did what I had to do and set to work on healing the gash in my cold, cold heart.
If nothing else, that relationship really thickened my skin, and taught me how to be a decent human being. 'Cause admittedly, I wasn't always a walk in the park, either.
And as usual, I went through some hard times for a while before I healed enough that I could carry on with everything. This required a complete lifestyle change. I abandoned my dog walking business, ditched almost all of my friends, quit smoking, quit drinking, and eventually started dating the toaster ex's polar opposite. And that's been going pretty well, wouldn't you agree?

I haven't responded to this e-mail requesting coffee and peace. I have made peace with the whole thing, without any help from him. He had never had any interest in being anything but a completely destructive force in my life. In the past, he has proven that he has no interest in doing anything besides try to ruin my life. He had even texted Mike once, about me fucking around on him or something. He put shit on the internet. I actually thought he had my apartment bugged. He made my parents think I was absolutely out of my mind. He fucking fucked with my life in every way he could think of! I can't even begin to explain it all. He hated me. Hates me. I don't even know. I don't want to.
I don't want him anywhere near me ever again.