TMI Thursday: The Dumpster

You can thank Lilu for all the TMI Thursday vomit-in-your-mouth-a-bit stories. Why not join the fun and welcome the weekend with a little too much information?



I didn't post a story last Thursday, I'm sorry :(
But this week I aim to. Even as I write this sentence I'm not exactly sure if I have anything up my sleeve...
I mean, I announced today that I am pregnant, yay me... so I could talk about all the farting... but what is that really? Everyone knows that pregnant chicks fart. It's not even that funny. At least, right now I'm not very amused...

Oh! I know!

One time I was with this guy named Joel. He was a musician and he was in a band with his brother. They travelled around and played their unique brand of crap all across the province. Big woop, right? Well this one time, I went with them on a particularly long drive (4 hours, was it?) and on the way home I was drrrrrrrrrrrrrunk. Now, anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that I don't fuck around when I drink. I am either going home bloody or screaming profanities at strangers. I disgust myself.
So on this drive home I was particularly shmammered and thus slunk back into the seat of the car and snored like a rhino until I woke up having to pee really, really badly. So I start yelling about having to pee, and the guys are like, yeah we kinda gotta piss too so we go searching for a gas station or something.
We get to a gas station after maybe 20 minutes of my incessant bitching and I run in and ask for the washroom key. The guy behind the counter can't find the key. Can't find it anywhere! So we can't use the washroom. Great. But the guys see a dumpster and they piss behind it. I am incredibly jealous of their ability to piss anywhere they like without shame, and I'm so drunk that I don't really give a fuck about appearances anymore; I'm pissing behind that dumpster too!

So I go behind the dumpster. I drop my drawers. I squat in their giant puddle of urine and I start to go. But what happens next, you ask? Well a car pulls into the gas station and shines his lights directly on my face as I'm pissing behind this dumpster and, remember, I'm drunk; So I react, and I react in a way that I may not have reacted had I been sober. I fell right on my ass into that huge puddle of everybody's piss, right there behind the dumpster at Petro Canada, and soak myself all over. Even my hair. All my clothes. I'm covered in piss. After Joel and his brother had gotten all the laughing out of their system they were not pleased with the fact that I had to sit in that car, covered in pee. But that's what I did. Until we got to a 7-11, where I got into their washroom and took a Mexican shower. The ride home would still take a couple of hours and we had to roll down all the windows because that smell. Oh, that smell.

The moral of the story? Girls really aren't supposed to pee outside the way boys do. We just don't have the equipment to pull it off. Secondly, maybe I should quit drinking. (breathing sigh of relief that I am pregnant and therefore cannot drink for another 8 or so months. phew!)